My Life in One-Liners

CBTT Musing Aloud: So, if like, Erin Palette is the gun blogosphere's bratty little sister, does that make me the creepy psycho cousin with the meth lab?

CBTT To Gaming Group: Nothing about me should leave the impression that I do not fuck butts.

CBTT To Co-Workers: Most of your commercially produced 'LSD' is actually LSA.  The differences...are minimal.  But mixing it with bath salts?  That is just interesting.  It puts it in a rather exlusive category-methods for drug ingestion that I have not tried.

CBTT To Gracie: Your feet are getting wet.  And you have mud on your knees.  And your dress is torn.  And that bug you appear to be eating is probably not very nutritious.  Hm...Daddy's really putting himself out of the running for Parent of the Year, huh?

CBTT To Second In Command: Functionally, we have to be able to deploy at a moment's notice 24/7, and in practice that means we have to be able to do it drunk and high.  Besides, our cultural heritage practically requires drinking and shooting.

CBTT To His Lovely Wife: Look, I'm not saying I don't wanna fuck (Mutual Acquaintance) just that she is pissing me off.

CBTT To Facebook: Candy is dandy but ice is nice.

Doing the Update Shuffle

So a few blog updates in general, for those that are interested.

First off, China, Zoomie, Snake, etc - I am the biggest tool on earth for not making it to the shindig.  There were obligations with regards to childcare within the tribe.  I am going to hit up K's booth at the 1500 when it happens; hopefully I can see some of you there, but if there is something going on sooner I will remain in the loop and do my best to make up for this galling failure.

Second: Whoever is anonymously posting the friendly hyperbole: don't change a thing.  Every time you make my day, whoever the fuck you are.  I'm a sucker for flattery, particularly obviously exaggerated flattery, so thanks, homie.

Third: The knife fighting course is still on track.  It has morphed into a video blog entry as the text was just a great groaning block of overwritten chatter even by my standards.  This presents me with a unique dilemma though, as I'm not wild about putting my face all over this website.  I'd prefer to keep my identity concealed, but I don't want to deal with the ridicule that will no doubt come if I do the whole thing in a black balaclava.  I'm either blurring out my face in post production or just going to say fuck it and let the internetz get a good look at me.  Anyway, principal shooting starts very soon and will cover section 1 of the syllabus.

Fourth: Two zombie bloggers have re-emergd, slouching and moaning, from the grave of idleness-Sigboy, who is contemplating moving URLS in this post, and Deschain over at De-Domesticating the Modern Male.  Both are great guys that I have known on the ZS forum for some time.  Be sure to check them out.

In conclusion: Fuck all motherfuckers, I'm listening to Hank.

Severed Dick Sushi

I must admit, I have been wanting to use that exact title for a blog post for some time.

Check it out: Japanese artist cooks and serves his own genitals.

The fatal tweet?

(Please retweet) I am offering my male genitals (full penis, testes, scrotum) as a meal for 100,000 yen.  Will prepare and cook as the buyer requests, at his chosen location

If you are wondering about the recipe:

He divvied up the severed penis shaft, testicles, and scrotal skin between five people, who each paid $250-a-plate, and garnished it with button mushrooms and Italian parsley.

So yeah.  If you were ever wondering how to cook severed dick, you're welcome.

How to H.A.R.M. Yourself

So about this whole kerfluffle in Tinley Park...y'know, that thing where five guys jumped on a meeting of white supremacists during a meet and greet at some resturaunt and started swinging hammers...

Yeah, apparently these ol' boys are from right smack dab in the middle of my AO.  Their website is here and they have hosted meetings and shit in our city, while preaching violence.

You know the funniest thing, America?  I probably know some of these guys.  Their various social networks all list some variant of martial arts as an interest.  Bloomington's martial arts community is large, but not that large, and I've probably had some face time with nearly every major instructor and a large number of the students.  Remember Mike Griffin?  Yeah, knew him too-got shitfaced with him after practice many a time.  These Enemies of Liberty are people who have seen my face.  Bloomington just ain't that big.  It makes for a chilling thought-so if I don't buy the media narrative on Trayvon Martin, for example, are they going to kick down my door with bludgeoning weapons?

These are people that want to create thought crimes and are willing to take to the streets to do so.  Genuine facists collectively purging their white guilt (yeah, they are all white) through targeted violence against people whose opinions they do not like but who have committed no crimes.  Me personally, I can't stand that motherfucker Fred Felps but I have yet to put a hit out on him.  And you have signaled to the white nationalist movement that Bloomington is a nest of their enemies.

Thanks for painting that big fat target on yourselves, you jackasses-and, coincidentally, on me and my family.  I'm sure when Bloomington starts looking like Sarejevo, you can be certain you have accomplished a post racial society of corpses.

I suppose they are better off than say, your typical Pacifist occupier, who are a legion of Robspierres with a crippling phobia of guillotines.  At least they'll get in the mix swinging, rather than silently applauding while loudly condemning violence, which earns at least a little more of my respect.  But damnit, a thought crime is a thought crime-and there are people in my city who are willing to shed blood over a thought crime.

Makes you think, eh?

A Basic Knife Curriculum: Course Syllabus

Today in Scumfucktopia we are going to be discussing what should and shouldn't  be part of your knife fighting repetoire.  I've trained the knife for a long time, survived an honest to god knife attack (by punching out a woman, so y'know, mixed emotions on that) and carried a blade for self defense since I was a lad.  I don't have the 'buy a glock n00b' dismissal that most people will give you on a survivalist forum if you even dare to mention the concept.  So I thought I'd help you out with some suggestions for using actually using a blade on another bag of warm fluids.  This is going to be a series in X parts.

First, let me tell you what I am assuming about you when designing this curriculum.  #1 You are a reasonably fit adult with a full complement of limbs.  #2 You have a modest level of proficiency in unarmed combat, both striking and grappling.  #3 You are not a raging jackass that will gut your family and tell the police the Internetz made you do it.

Assuming all of these things are true, let's look first at the limitations of the knife for self defense.  It seems like there are a lot, but really there are only two-one is short range, and the other is the health\safety\legal\psychological concerns you may have with actually getting the hideous, messy knife kill on an enemy at that short range.  No amount of training is going to fix either issue for you, but they are things you need to be aware of from the get go.

Now, then-on to the broad list of categories.  Where are the partitions in your technical toolbox?

1. Presentation (Carrying and drawing the weapon)
a. Carrying & Concealing the Knife
b. Drawing the Knife
c. Timed Reaction drills
2. Offensive Techniques (Techniques and drills for inflicting damage with the knife)
a. Stabby \ Slicy 101 - How the Knife Inflicts Damage
b. Angles and Footwork
c. Targeting
d. Attack types and drills
3. Defensive Techniques (Techniques for preventing knife damage to your own body)
a. Blocks and Counters
b. Knife Control - Takedowns and Disarms
c. Grappling Considerations
d. Timed Reaction Drills
4. "Alive" Training
a. An Intro to Aliveness
b. Live Sparring - Theory and Demo
c. "Winners Bleed, Losers Gush" Theory & Mitigation

Finally in this introductory post, I want to clarify a few things that this series is not.

This series is not an endless gearwhore jerkoff thread where we debate the best knife for the job.  By the time you have adequately trained with the weapon, a kitchen knife or prison shank is almost as good as a custom job in terms of practical efficiency.

This series is not a style vs. style debate.  Discussions will relate only to actual technique and tactics, rather than "This is where you need to train to fight with a knife."  Those discussions are seldom really productive as they involve a lot of generalities that do not apply to every school within the same organization.  Find a teacher and training partners you can work with and study with them; everything else is chatter.

Finally, I want to note that this series is not the final word.  I have some advantages over most tactical voices crying out in the wilderness in that I've had some serious training and survived a hostile encounter with a knife.  But I'm not claiming to be some godlike blade guru, just a guy like you who would rather not die if his rifle goes missing.  The only reason I'm writing this and not you is that I've spent a long time giving it serious thought.  Nothing more.

I'll have the first section up this week sometime.

Take it, damn you

It's all I've got.

Patcom soon.  Looking forward to shaking the hands of some of my fellow rabble rousers.

Working on a couple more praxis type entries, though fuck knows why I think I'm qualified to do so.

Couch to 5k is progressing well in week 2.  Fuck me I hate running, but it seems like one of those things that just isn't optional sometimes.

In case of Sonic Attack on your district, follow these rules.....

If you are making love it is imperative to bring all bodies to orgasm
simultaneously
Do not waste time blocking your ears.
Do not waste time seeking a soundproof shelter.
Try to get as far away from the sonic source as possible,
but do not panic.....

Use your wheels. It is what they are for.
Small babies may be placed inside the special cocoons,
which should be left if possible, in a shelter.
Do not attempt to use your own limbs.
If no wheels are available, metal, not organic, limbs
should be employed whenever possible.....

Remember, in the case of Sonic Attack, Survival means every man for himself.
Statistically more people survive if they think only of themselves.
Do not attempt to rescue friends, relatives, loved ones.
You have only a few seconds to escape.
Use those seconds sensibly or you will inevitably die.
Do not panic.
Think only of yourself....

These are the first signs of Sonic Attack:
You will notice small objects, such as ornaments, oscillating.
You will notice a vibration in your diaphragm.
You will hear a distant hissing in your ears.
You will feel dizzy.
You will feel the need to vomit.
There will be bleeding from orifices.
There will be an ache in the pelvic region.
You may be subject to fits of hysterical shouting, or even laughter.

These are all sign of imminent Sonic destruction.
Your only real protection is flight.
If you are less than ten years old, then remain in your shelter and use
your cocoon.
But remember:
You can help no-one else, No-one else, No-one else......

Lube & Tasers

Caught this piece from Parabarbarian.

A gay Indiana teen whose mother gave him a stun gun to defend himself against bullies is facing expulsion for bringing the weapon to school and reportedly firing it into the air. 

The hell of it is, as I look at the way schools respond to bullying in the modern age, I see them creating every single possible thoughtcrime, showing a marked pattern of hostility towards self defense, and continuing to fail to prevent bullying.  And even unarmed, you can't fight back anymore-they punish both of you the same.

Bullying is as old as childhood itself, though it doesn't end there.  In the end, the only response to bullying is a good hard ball stomping, because bullying is an expression of cowardice and insecurity and nothing deters it like the possibility of ball stomping.

It actually puts me in mind of two gay guys I knew in my hometown of New Dunwich.  They were big butch motherfuckers in a small redneck town, yet because they were big butch motherfuckers who made it clear they wouldn't take no shit, they rarely got fucked with.  The solution is simple and has been here the whole time if we care to look at it.  But no, instead we make focus groups and talk about the bully's broken home or
violent video games or rap music-and we fucking suspend the victim if he fights back.  Oh, and we tell him he shouldn't act so gay.

Larry Yarrell, the school’s principal, told the Star that he suggested to Young to “tone down” the flamboyant accessories he was wearing to school. 

What Does the Scumfuck Brand Mean?

"To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless.  We work hard with our own hands.  While we are cursed, we bless, while we are persecuted, we endure it, while we are slandered, we answer kindly.  Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world."

(1 Corinthians 4:11-13)

I Will Not Act Civilized Lyrics
I don't talk about tomorrowRight nowToday is all we gotRight nowSteal it, take meRight nowWe must do everything we can to become ourselvesI will not act civilizedI will kill you, I will dieThe priceThe priceWhat is itI would guessThe priceI'll pay itI'll pay it
We can't think about tomorrowRight nowRight now is all we gotSo steal itSteal itSteal itTake meWe must seize everything we canTo become ourselvesI will not act civilizedI will not act civilizedWe must have a correct pathAnd we must do it, we must die

Updates & Shit

Oh, herro dere.

My blogging and writing have ground to a standstill lately, either through a case of writer's block or some worldwide conspiracy against me (leaning towards the latter) and this is what you get in the meantime.

I've been one busy son of a bitch lately, trying to kick up my preps into high gear.  I've been running three days a week and hiking at least one, though some of those hikes are just jaunts along the train tracks with Gracie.  Surprisingly, my knees have held up pretty well; I'm rocking dual knee braces and they help a lot.  Cardio has never been my strength, but I am making a deliberate attempt to improve it in the hopes that everyone else will follow suit.

I finished adding doohickeys to the BCS chest rig.  The fucker is actually complete now minus the FAK, which is on there but mostly empty.  I'll probably have to drop another Hamilton on that before I'm done; I plan on it being larger and more comprehensive than the average IFAK.  My BOB is in a shocking state of affairs, having been cannabalized for parts, but bugging out is actually the least of my worries right now so I'm not stressing over it.

I had to reschedule my rifle class but as a consequence I'm taking a different course in September that is more suited to my temperment and skill level.  Still haven't gotten out to shoot this spring; I'm thinking I may rectify that real soon.  I really want to work on my pistol craft but I don't plan on taking a class until I can afford some private tuition; I'm just really awful with a pistol and I don't carry one for self defense, opting for my baton 99% of the time.  (I know, I know, it's not a gun-but it is the weapon I have logged the most training hours on.)

Looking forward to the Hoosier patcom.  I really want to meet some of you sick bastards; you sound like people with a lot of interesting stories to tell.  I hope to make some new friends and network some allies for our tribe, as well as present my Sexy Scumfuck Action Items list.

Gracie has been singing about Manatees lately.  Apparently Hank III appears on a kid's song by a guy called Farmer Jason.  The CD (Nature Jams) is on zune so we've been listening to it a lot, and Gracie is always asking for that song.  Speaking of Hurricane Gracie, she has gotten in trouble at school for drawing pictures of zombies and pirates that scare the other kids.

I couldn't be more proud.

Story Time

So Our Hero read a (fiction) story that kind of freaked him out today.  You can check it out here.

Of course, this could never happen in the good ol' US of A, right?

It's an ugly scenario-a cynical, possibly rogue .gov agency relieving population pressure on shattered cities through the mechanism of faux evacuation into massacres.  And I thought to myself "Damn, the worst part is that most nice,  sensible suburban preppers would fall right into that trap."

All it takes is one enviro-nazi malthusian jackoff in a position of power within the DHS or TSA structure and a couple feathers off a black swan, brother, and there we are.  Politics as amoral pragmatism-and from a certain perspective, genocide is the most pragmatic measure of all.

God help us all.  Go read the story.