Friday, March 29, 2013

Lessons Learned: Vacation

#1: Melon balls are delicious, even with tangerine pulp.
#2: Melon balls are dangerous.  You can't even taste the alcohol.
#3: There is some debate over using Red Dragon Inn as a drinking game.  Apparently demanding that players chug Salt Water when they draw the Troll Swill drink card is "an excessive vomit risk."
#4: Talking down the guy who is tweaking in the hot tub and thrashing about like a harpooned whale is a communal effort-no one can stand to do it for more than a few hours.
#5: Damage to the orifices is cumulative.
#6: Depending on your rum and coke level, a guacamole and steak sandwich on potato bread is quite delicious.
#8: Stoned Hippie vs. Tweaking Marine in an impromptu wrestling match ends exactly how you expect it to. Even if the hippie gets surprise.  But the hippie is the only one that gets any sleep that day.
#9: Being snowed in is a blessing and a curse, but the curse part mostly manifests to the single guys (and my lovely wife) mildly put out by a general lack of pussy. Still, if we'd have been inviting people. the famously picturesque hills of Brown county would be littered with frozen sexy corpses.
#10: If you think you are going to get any blogging, roleplaying, book editing or work on your Pathfinder game done, you are out of your fucking mind.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Don't Mind the Dust

Just doing a little housecleaning in Scumfucktopia.  Added Linoge to the blogroll with the basic reasoning of "What was this guy doing not on my blogroll?!?!?"  Removed a couple of dead blog links. *Moment of silence*  Added a link to my tag guide on the sidebar in case you missed the post, and made it so you can access each tag from that particular part of the page.  Added the litany against fear, just because.

I'm going on my well deserved vacation and may be sporadic or prolific depending on my drug and vagina intake.


Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Hey, I haven't blogged about cartoons lately...

You know why the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie was panned so bad by fans of the show?  It isn't necessarily because Aqua Teen Hunger Force fans are a bunch of douchebag hipsters.  Mostly, it was because Mastodon appeared at the beginning, blew everyone's face away, and then did not appear in the rest of the film.  They set the bar too high in the first minutes and then gave you what was basically a long episode of the show.  

That whole movie should have been about Snack Food Mastodon showing up in places from the show and ruining everyone's shit.  The main cast shouldn't even have been in it until the very end, whereupon Snack Food Mastodon ruins their shit and closes out the movie with another song.  THAT would have been a movie to remember.  Instead we all sat in the theatre with our buzz slowly wearing off going "Man...should have gotten the DVD so we could get high again."  

It isn't too late, Adult Swim.  Snack Food Mastodon: The Series would do pretty well.  Why?  Because there is nothing more awesome than Mastodon.

Monday, March 18, 2013

A Curious Question

Has anyone else noticed a number of preppers coming out of the woodwork lately?  I've been asked for prep advice by people who less than a year ago would have scoffed at the very idea.  What's more-because anyone can BS around the water cooler-I've gotten wind of some pretty serious purchases and training lately from folks that I always thought were on the poseur list.

What has people scared?  It isn't me; I've been preaching the same Doom and Hellfire on the streets of Btown the whole damn time.  My message hasn't changed but somehow the response to that message has changed.  Is it the news?  Maybe, but all of these have been fairly sensible people and sensible people should damn well know the news thrives on a state of perpetual panic that doesn't necessarily translate to blood in the streets.

I've gotten not one but two independent cases of my liberal friends freaking out about a possible civil war, one of which actually mentioned the Threepers by name.

I've gotten enrolees in my karate class who have an eye for prepping rather than hobbyism.  Not strictly bitching about this because it has really made class a lot better, but it is unusual to see multiple cases crop up at once, and openly.

Every gun show, every online vendor, every brick and mortar and army surplus store is paying hard cash for magazines and still struggling to keep stock on the shelves.  Every.  Fucking.  One.  This one I am complaining about, make no mistake.

What everybody asks me, as if a scumfuck who has been preaching the exact same message for ten years with no apocalypse has any answers, is "When is it going to go off the tracks?"  And I always have to say "I have no fucking idea.  Not now, and not then."  The writing on the walls-the signs of a society that is not sustainable-has been freely available to anyone who can do basic math for a long time now.  But a timetable was not included with my apocalypse manual.  Still, it has been interesting steering people onto what I hope is the right path.

Besides, I can always use more zombie bait.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Femslash Friday: Aurora X Snow White

No matter how weird and offsetting your perversion is, someone out there is willing to put in more effort than you in realizing it.

I hope this gives you comfort, you sick bastads.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

How Do I Join the Ronnie Barrett Fan Club?

All right, so here's the problem.  Ronnie Barrett is awesome and I want to send him my money.

Your first question probably isn't "Why is Ronnie Barrett Awesome?" but in case it was, here's why.

Elected state officials of , having been sworn to protect our Constitution, have instead committed an offense against it and their citizens by stripping inalienable rights duly protected and guaranteed under the Second Amendment. By their deliberate and sinister actions, these officials now cause their state and local policing agencies to enforce these unconstitutional and illegal so called “laws.”
By current law, Barrett cannot be an accomplice with any lawbreaker, therefore, cannot and will not service or sell to New York government agencies. Barrett also applies this stance to the individual elected official who, as a matter of public record, has voted for or created regulation that violates the constitutional rights of their citizens. This is an expansion of our 2002 ban against the California government due to their Second Amendment infringements, and shall apply to any future violators.

Read more:

So yeah, pretty obvious.  This isn't even their first time doing this to a .gov agency.

The real dilemma I'm having is that I want to send the dude my money, but I don't want to send him $4000 bucks worth of my money for a super sick 50 cal rifle.  I don't really have a slot for it in my tactical defense needs, by my own fucking judgement and no one else's but I still want to show my support for a dude with the nads of a buffalo who stands up to this kind of government bullshit.

My solution is pretty simple: Fucking T-Shirts.  Does that make me a poseur if I have the T-Shirt but not the rifle?  

I don't think so motherfucker.  I'm just part of the fan club.   

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

More snark that is not my own.

From the facebook page "Deep Thoughts, by Ben Bernake" 
Dow 14,447.29 +50.22 (+0.35%). This will trickle down soon enough! Print Strong, brothers.
Fake money is fake.

We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn.

Sunday, March 10, 2013


Admit it, you could totally believe it.
I have nothing for you, you filth.  I literally just now recovered from my hangover.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Grovelling Sniveling Driveling Horde... worship scaly overload.

I'm gonna present the following link on Reddit.

Don't be fooled by the name.  This is where the gun grabbers are making their stand on Reddit.  Call it the Reddit Front of the Gun Control "Conversation."

Look at their rules, their statements, the hoops you have to jump through just to see the actual hot posts.  Look at their stated purpose, how carefully they assure that they will have Reasoned Discourse and nothing else.  From their sidebar image:

"Because of an ongoing vote brigade by all the pro gun subreddits, all links will remain hidden until you do the following (Bullshit settings change instructions that any retard should be able to figure out on his own.)
THEY: (Referring to you, the gun owning public with an internet connection and an opinion) Dominate reddit and real life - 100,000+ Redditors - 300,000,000 Lobbying Budget - They own your politicians - They suffocate opposition.
WE: (Referring to the bold crusaders for "Reasonable" gun control) ...don't have any of that.  But we do have a sense of humor.  We own guns, but actually care about their impact.  So when they snap and go on a rampage, we say....GUNS ARE COOL.
Down vote brigaded since 12/22/12

Why do anti gunners hate democracy so much that half of their sidebar is devoted to how awful and unfair it is to be voted down?  Wah, wah, we have to debate in an unmoderated environment and we keep losing, wah, wah, the big bad NRA must be paying people to downvote.

Listen.  They are so fucking afraid of you that they have to hide their posts, hide their motivations, hide endlessly pissing themselves quietly in the dark of the internet and hope no one catches on.

It'll take a gunblogger with more clout than me to really open a front there, but I bet we could rout them entirely off reddit if they are this pitifully outmatched.  It's something I'd like to see.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Femslash Friday: Rapunzel X Helga

This is just super cute to me.
I wonder what the Atlantis fandom is like?

Shamelessly cribbed from here.  Head on over for larger versions and more Femslash goodness.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Musical Interlude

Honey, the way you play guitar makes me feel so, makes me feel so masochistic. The way you go down low deep into the neck and I would do anything, and I would do anything and Patty Hearst, you're standing there in front of the Symbionese Liberation Army flag with your legs spread, I was wondering will you get it every night from a black revolutionary man and his women or whether you really did and now that you're on the run what goes on in your mind, your sisters they sit by the window, you know your mama doesn't sit and cry and your daddy, well you know what your daddy said, Patty, you know what your daddy said, Patty, he said, he said, he said, "Well, sixty days ago she was such a lovely child, now here she is with a gun in her hand."

Everything about this woman's voice gives me chills.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Character Classes in Gracieworld

The art of interactive storytelling is as old as the forebrain, if not older.  We use a lot of toys to entertain ourselves now, from NERF guns to polyhedral dice to specialized computers the size of your palm to anal beads.  But the simple fact is that all forms of entertainment are subservient to one-we like to hear, and tell, good stories.

Telling Gracie a bedtime story is always an adventure, and it is something like a cross between self insertion fan fiction and role playing.  Typically "Princess" Gracie goes out on adventures.  We have, over the course of the past 5 years, set a sort of campaign setting up that is reiterated in every intro like cheap 80's cartoons.  The basic premise is that Gracie and her dog Sadie live in a castle on the edge of a spooky forest filled with various monsters and undead antagonists, and she goes adventuring for various reasons (I typically give her an objective every time, such as "Save Pingu from the mean witch" or "Explore the spooky pumpkinhead's cave."

Anyway, each time I let her pick her equipment loadout and such, but lately, over the past month or so, she has been describing her abilities to me instead, accompanied by a name or label she uses. Note that this is without me projecting anything to her; she has based it off her loadout and abilities she chooses at the beginning of her "adventure."  And it seems to come down to character classes.  So I thought I'd list the character classes she has given me so far.  Note as well that guns are typically included on any adventure and are not any particular class feature.

"Riding Hood" as in "Red Riding Hood."  The riding hood classe appears to be some form of benevolent ranger and is her most frequently picked class.  She has described a Riding Hood's powers as walking "Very far and very fast."  Specialized equipment includes the hood itself (which sometimes has magic powers) and the basket.

"Cowgirl"  Typically, this is a mounted character in boots with a Woody hat.  Abilities seem to be limited to horsemanship, although some of the feats of horsemanship she describes are pretty impressive.  Specialized equipment includes the woody hat and the "cowboy string" which is a lariat and also sometimes has magic powers.

"Ballerina"  This is the newest incarnation and is largely a product of her grandma getting her a ballet costume.  Still, we went over the ballerina gracie version tonight and apparently they can "Dance and sneak and jump really well" which makes a sort of intuitive sense to me.  The ballerina doesn't appear to have any specialized equipment, except the outfit itself.

"Fairy \ Nice Witch"  This is sort of a hybrid catch-all spellcasting class.  Sometimes the witch flies on her broom, sometimes the witch has fairy wings and casts fairy spells.  Special abilities include magic use, which in Gracie's paradigm is mostly limited to baleful polymorphs.  Specialized equipment includes her magic wand or "bibbidy bobbidy boo" and occasionally a broom to ride.

Somehow, I think I could make a coherent game system out of this.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Slick Rick and his Bag of Tricks

There isn't really a point to the post title.

Oh wait!  Yes there is.

So the big thing now is fighting "Slick."  I know it's the big thing now because I read it in SWAT magazine and it was further expounded upon in a thread on Bacon Survival.  It means stuffing crap in your pockets and fighting out of that, instead of using some form of LBE.

I've seen it before now, though I never knew what the TOTALLY OMG SWEET operator term for it was.  I think Tam even mentioned something about the Mk 4 Jeans Back Pocket Magholder in one of her posts a couple years ago.  Fundamentally, it is a good idea in the sense that it gets you to stop fiddling around with your toys and actually learn to fight.

But this is a continuum to which there are apparently limits.  Sure, you can cite endless statistics where you only need the ammo currently in your weapon, with maybe one reload, and say you are covered.  If anyone suggests anything more, it is obviously because they are a gear encrusted mall ninja with no hope of survival loaded down with all those extra magazines and tourniquets.  I get that principle and really, despite the inevitable snark, I approve...but how "slick" can you get?

Anyway, what I want to tell Slick Rick and his crew is-why aren't you learning to fight empty handed?  Isn't that the "Slickest" method of all?  If you don't train with a chest rig because you aren't ALWAYS wearing a chest rig, should you stop training with a gun because you aren't ALWAYS wearing a gun?  After all, plenty of conflicts start and finish without a single weapon coming into play.  Hell, what about pants?  I'm not ALWAYS wearing pants.  Maybe I should just drop trow at the range next time and if someone calls me on it, I'll yell "SLICK LOL NOOB."

The worst of these slicksters tend to get huffy when you bring things like this up, often because they have no experience or training in unarmed fighting.  (That in itself could make another post, but I'll let you move along with your LOL KARATE snark...for now.)  If you want to go full slick, perhaps you should get naked and do some Krav Maga.  Otherwise, practice putting your shit on under pressure, carry the gear you need (no more or less) and remain adaptable.  "Slick" sounds cool, but it is doctrine, and remember that doctrine is always limiting.