Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Brady Talking Point Broadsides: Opening Salvo

Today on the chopping block, inspired by This Post, I'd like to address the issue of need. As in the constant whine of "Why do you NEED x? What are you going to use X for?" in regards to personal weaponry. This is a common question among Gun Owner Butts (as in "I'm a gun owner, but...") who wail and gnash their teeth because you don't use night vision scopes to hunt Bambi. Put quite simply, this question is some bullshit, and I've always got an answer. So here goes.

Q: "Why do you NEED high capacity magazines?"
A: "Because sometimes you have to kill a whole bunch of motherfuckers."

Q: "Why do you NEED armor piercing rounds?"
A: "Because sometimes you have to kill some motherfucker hiding on the other side of a wall."

Q: "Why do you NEED a fifty caliber sniper rifle?"
A: "Because sometimes you have to kill some motherfucker from a kilometer away."

Q: "Why do you need a night vision scope?"
A: "Because sometimes you have to kill some motherfuckers in the dark."

Bitches I can go on all day like this. Why do I NEED this shit? Well I dunno, genius, why were these items developed? Almost all of them had a purpose when they were developed. They designed AP to penetrate barricades. They designed night vision for killing motherfuckers in the dark. They developed standard ("high") capacity magazines to lessen the need to reload.

I'm sick of pretending that there are sporting purposes to my shit. I'm a survivalist and my weapons are for killing motherfuckers in a theoretical Mad Max future, and perhaps most importantly of all I don't have to justify shit to you, god damnit.

Choke on that, you fascist vermin.


  1. I have a better comment. Why do you need your Prius? You got two perfectly fine legs. Why do you need a Ferrari? Art? Music? Xanax for you and Ritalin for the kids? Naw. You WANT it. It's not about need. And anyone stupid enough to argue that a gun is more dangerous than a car is numb from the shoulders up.

  2. Where does the word "NEED" (or for that matter "sporting purpose") come into the 2nd Amendment?

    I am a FREE MAN, and I have a G*d-given, Constitutionally-protected RIGHT to purchase any of those things I may desire to own.

    Otherwise I agree with your sentiments, though I'd phrase them more along the lines of "at some point I might need to protect myself against a whole bunch of people" or " protect my family from someone hiding behind a cement block wall..." and so-on...

    Nice work!

  3. I heard about you over at WRSA.

    You are a foul-mouthed domesticated Hoosier terrorist.

    Let's be friends.

  4. Gotta tell ya, Man. That's a beautiful thing there.
    From one Foul Mouthed Hoosier to another- GrumpyUnk

  5. I just realized that this is a 'chick' question.

    Guys don't like to go to 'chick flicks'. Sleepless in Seattle...that sort of thing. Its like asking a guy "Tell me about your feelings"; "What did you feel about that";"how do you feel...". We don't have 'feelings'...the question does not compute in our brain chemistry.

    Any male that asks such a question must be a metrosexual or gay. Think about it.

    So let me take a 'chick' question and reply with a 'guy' answer:

    Q: Why do you NEED a fifty-cal sniper rifle?

    A: So I can kill godless cocksuckers at distance.

    Remember NEED is a chick issue. They talk about how 'he didn't fulfill me...he didn't meet my NEEDS'.

    Whenever you get this 'NEED' question from a guy/man reporter or whoever, look surprised and then throw it back on him by exclaiming "You're GAY, aren't you? You're either Gay or METROSEXUAL? Because you are asking a chick question. Guys don't do that". Then go on to talk about NEED and how it relates to FEELINGS and how he must be a chick trapped in a mans body.

    He will come back with the NEED question. Give him the Guy answer as set out above. Then ask him if he thinks your answer was crude. He'll say 'Yes, it was'. You ask 'You're not crude'? If he says 'No', then say 'Well guys are crude. You say you're not crude, therefore you must be GAY because you're not a Guy'.

    You can have hours of fun with this.

    1. (I'm a girl and I never ask about NEEDS) Hilarious!

  6. Holy shit did I goggle at my traffic meter this morning.

    God bless you gunnies; it is a pleasure to hang-together or separately.

  7. Isn't it nice when I can read TJIC's comment and smile and say, "Jinx!"

  8. Most excellant!


  9. My throw-back would be along the lines of:
    "Why do you NEED to be able buy an entire REAM of paper, 500 sheets, for your printer? What are you going to publish? A porn book? Something anti- government?"

    B Woodman

  10. At some point I may need to protect myself from a tyrannical government - and they are ususally well armed...

  11. The proprietor's last line is dispositive:

    Q: "Why do you NEED (fillintheblank)?"

    A: "Who the hell wants to know?"

  12. "godless cocksuckers" Hey, wait a minute. As long as they are girl golf charlies, negotiations may be called for. I'm just sayin....

  13. Sir, this post is entirely made of win.

    Matt? I'm just happy to see TJIC's comments at all! ;)


  14. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter ...

  15. [Also from WRSA] That ain't no "Opening Salvo;" it's the Final Word! Helluva post. Those questions being settled, hopefully we can move on to other tools and build something.

    "...most importantly of all I don't have to justify shit to you, god damnit."

    Classic. Who are you, Aristotle?

  16. A reading, regarding private property:

    "John Markle, a coal operator who made an enormous fortune in the New River and Pocahontas coal regions of West Virginia, disliked being fenced in and had built to his order a thirty-two-room apartment on a duplex plan on New York's Park Avenue. It was too small by far. Two years later, in 1928, he moved into a co-operative apartment on Fifth Avenue with forty-one rooms and fifteen baths. He had a private telephone switchboard installed with twenty-six extensions and a round-the-clock operator. This was before large numbers of extensions were a commonplace, or the Princess handset had been dreamed of. A black and white staircase of tessellated marble connected the two floors of the duplex at a cost of $25,000. When a newspaper reporter asked how he could use fifteen baths at once, Markle snapped, 'It's nobody's goddamned business.'"

    (Lucius Beebe, "The Big Spenders", 1966, Doubleday & Co., Inc., chapter 15, "Fun With Real Estate", p. 373)

  17. shoot son's of bitches who try to appoint themselves as our "Need Police".

  18. Dude, you're way overcomplicating it. When someone asks you why you need something or other, the response should be a laconic "None of your fucking business."

    Anything more gives the indication that you need to justify yourself to someone else just because they asked you a question. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. You don't owe them any explanation at all.

  19. Adding you to my reading list. That you for having a Ballsack.

    1. One of the best books I ever read, THE SELOUS_SCOUTS_TOP SECRET WAR!

  20. The Constitution says that my right to keep and bear arms is "necessary to the security of a free state." The country needs my guns (all of them, and maybe some more) to remain free and secure.

  21. Fucking A bubba, I likee this kinda talk. It's like in MadMen, when the guy asks,"What do women WANT?", and the reply, "Who Cares?". I got all the shit I do for the same reason King Obongo has what he has. I can, and fuck Obongo in his ass.

  22. Oh, you're blog is going into my reading list so fast it will make your head spin. Did NOT find you via WRSA BTW, even though I read that one too.

  23. When ass hats ask me these kinds of questions, I just tell them it's my money and I'll spend it how I like, soooooo. STFU.

  24. Outfuckingstanding!!!!

    I now have a new blog to read all the time.

  25. My response.

    "Hold on... I'm channeling the spirit of Thomas Jefferson... He's says 'go fucketh thy self..."

  26. Classic. I found you via Tam, and I'm so glad she linked you! Definitely going to slap a link to this on FB, and add you to my daily blog-read.
    Keep fighting the good fight!

  27. Dude! I don't know how come I've never come across your blog before! You fucking rock. Linked and loaded...

  28. Found you by way of Tam's link.
    Reminds me of Denis Leary in Demolition Man going on his rant. Why do I "need" this?
    Never heard of them called "Gun Owner Butts" before, that's just funny stuff!

    To avoid potential patent and/or copyright infringements, I'll just call them "gunbutts".

  29. Right on, Scumfuck. It amazes me the things I learn and the things that back up my idealology when I run around the blogishpere. And to think I thought that was the only one with these "radical" thoughts (pro 2nd, self protection, militia, et al)... nudged here by WRS

  30. Amen Brother...They would love for us to be powerless just like a rapist not wanting a woman to be able to fight them off...Can you smell the fear that's radiating from scum...I can it puts me in the hunt mode...