Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Members of the Criminal & Corrections Subcommittee

These are the people you need to contact on SB192/SR70.

Sen. John Waterman (R, 39th District) - Chairman
Sen. Richard Bray (R, 37th District)
Sen. Susan Glick (R, 17th District)
Sen. Jim Tomes (R, 49th District)
Sen. Lindel Hume (D, 48th District)
Sen. Greg Taylor (D, 33rd District)

It is most effective to contact a state senator if you live in his or her district-they are small fish and they want your vote. We need to be up these people's asses like a proctologist.

Just in case you think this is going to be an easy battle, note that on Waterman's press page that they aren't even done banning stuff yet. You know, I've never tried salvia. And that faux weed stuff doesn't get me even a little high, but it does kind of act as a force multiplier when I smoke real weed.

Monday, April 25, 2011

SB192 & You: What It Is, and Why It Barely Matters

Hoosier stoners universally applauded the passing of SB 192 in the state legislature, at least judging by the response on the various facebook groups. But there seem to be some misconceptions about what the bill actually is, which is damn near nothing. Let's check out the actual text of the bill.

ECTION 1. [EFFECTIVE JULY 1, 2011] (a) In the 2011 legislative interim, the criminal law and sentencing policy study committee established by IC 2-5.5-5-1 shall study and make recommendations regarding the following issues:
(1) Marijuana and its effect on the Indiana criminal justice system.
(2) Whether the possession and use of marijuana should continue to be illegal in Indiana and, if so, which penalties and amounts pertaining to marijuana possession and use are appropriate.
(3) Whether a program for medical marijuana should be implemented in Indiana and, if so, under what parameters.
(4) Whether marijuana should be treated and controlled like alcohol, with controlled and regulated sales, and special taxation.
(5) Any other issue related to marijuana.
(b) This SECTION expires January 1, 2012.
All of these things sound good, but the fundamental thrust is an academic one-this is a study, not a binding legal agreement. All this bill really contains is a promise that they will finally talk about the issue-eventually.

That's fucking peanuts, people, and probably a delaying tactic as well. I want you to notice two things about this bill, one obvious, one less so.

The first, obvious problem is that this is not an actual promise to enact legislation based on anything the study discovers. Even if an airtight, peer reviewed study proves that legalizing dope will clear up the deficit, bring half a million jobs to the state, send everyone's kids to college, and cause the skies to open up and rain down gold ingots and blowjobs, they have no obligation to enact anything and the idea will die in the gutter with no fanfare. This is not a victory; our enemy has barely blinked, and hopefully we can exploit it, but to trumpet this as a victory is pure masturbation.

The less obvious problem is the study itself. We have no guiding parameters to show how it will be conducted, under what conditions, and perhaps most importantly what the criteria for recommending public policy will be. I notice that there is no money being allotted for the research, though I'm sure the Senate Corrections & Criminal Subcommittee has an operating budget. One bored intern xeroxing academic journals and highlighting the relevant parts for legislators that will never read it may satisfy the requirements of this bill.

What does that mean to us, the Hoosier smokers, who want to see real policy change on this issue? It means the fucking legwork falls to us, and lets face it, we are notoriously bad at it. We aren't too bad at singing kumbaya in the park, and we can click "like" on a facebook page with the best of 'em, but this is going to require real work and some of you goddamn poseurs are not going to do it. That's fine, I can't make you work-but fuck you.

Enough ranting. Let's get to work. What do we need to do?


1. Forward relevant studies (peer reviewed please, not the latest issue of High Times) to all of the senators on the committee. You will find a list on the link above.
2. Keep this study in the public mind as much as you can. Write letters to the editor, hold rallies, wave signs, do all that typical grassroots shit. Get some press. Modern America is often defined by those who shout the loudest, and we need to keep this in the papers if we want any chance of actual policy changes. They gave us this crumb and they expect us to shut up now, like we always have before-but they need to be wrong, and if they aren't, we're fucked.
3. Keep on top of your local pro pot organizations. They have access to resources that you don't and rarely get killed in no knock police raids, so they are a good, reliable bet to keep the fire burning. Remember, though, that these are the same people who have been singing kumbaya for years with only crumbs to show for it. You need to be in active correspondence with them and help where you can, with your money or your time.
4. Organize on your own, at the local level. All those people you smoke weed with that aren't doing anything but applauding like retard monkeys? Yeah, those people are part of the problem. Get 'em off the couch and moving.
5. Follow this blog for updates and more sexy action plans. (What? You didn't think this was all altruism did you?) In the coming weeks I will have a few suggestions for the studies we can forward to committee members.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Projects in the Pipes

Howdy Scumfucketeers.

This is your Glorious Leader speaking, to tell you about a few of the projects I have in the pipes for this blog in the near future.

#1: A detailed discussion of Indiana SB192 and it's effects on us, the dope smoking Hoosiers. I'd like to dig into what this bill does, what it doesn't do, and what we have to do to get what we want.

#2: A detailed, graphic discussion of the frenemy/girlcrush themes between Tinkerbell and Vydia in the new CGI Tinkerbell flicks. Gracie has been watching a lot of them lately, and I naturally find the lesbian subtext in everything, so I thought I'd share my thoughts on the subject.

#3: The third in the Scumfuck Praxis series "5 Things You Haven't Considered About Your Bugout" which is a sort of summation of minor logistical items that we have learned on our various practice bugouts.

So stick with me, folks; I promise I'll have some material for you soon.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Codex Kalachnikova Preview: The Funeral

Liselle's suicide had rattled the house to the very core. They stopped first to bury the dead, as soon as the graves were dug. No words were said yet, not in the house of the Scum Lord. The Codex Kalachnikova, the iron clad code of the holdfast, emphasized practical matters above all things. While mourning was necessary, unburied corpses were dangerous, vectors of many diseases. So it was only after the bastards had finished shoveling dark earth into the two holes they had dug that Valis had to speak. She watched the burial in silence instead, her eyes raw and red from crying.

The eternal clouds, the color of a dirty dishrag, hung low and turbulent above their heads, four consorts and twenty one bastards all gathered on a hilltop already dotted with half a hundred graves. The smell of unripe spring apples was heavy in the air. As was dictated in the Codex, each body had been buried with an apple in each hand. The graves were in neat orchard lines, and while not all had apple trees rising from them, many did. The first words of the Codex were "Above all else, survive" and they did, each tragedy strengthening them against those tragedies yet to come. They were strengthened with food and wood and leaves for mulching. Naught went to waste in the holdfast of the Scum Lord; the Codex would not allow it. In the house of my father, thought Valis, they waste good land for their graveyards, good stone for their markers and mausoleums, even good men to tend the flowers. I am blessed to be here, and belong to him. Return soon, my lord.
The bastards were patting down the grave dirt now, and a sudden terror welled up in Valis' heart. I have no idea what I will say. There were no funeral rites, no crutches of tradition to stand on-not in this house, not in these times. She could not speak of Mikhail's valor in the trial; he had never faced it, and in truth should have died in the wastelands unburied, as did all those who failed the Test of the Stomach. And she could not speak of the love and sisterhood between her and Liselle, for to do so would surely break her heart all over again. I cannot break down. Milord is not hear to buffer then against this terrible ill wind; I must be their strength in his absence. But that left her with nothing to say, and it was with a terrible numb blankess that she stepped to the front of the crowd.

Twenty four pairs of eyes went to her. She struggled to find her voice again, and failed for a moment. At that moment all she wanted was to flee back to her bedchamber and sob, but the expectant gaze of the holdfast pinned her there. With a deep, steadying breath, she lifted her chin-and found herself speaking, almost before she knew.

"Against the darkness, we remain. We bury our hearts with your brother and...and with my Dear One." There came the moment of greatest danger, as an errant sob jarred hard against the back of her throat, and she had to clamp down violently on it. "TEOTWAWKI came with all the thunder and horror that the prophets predicted, and yet the house of the Scum Lord remained. Since then we have buried many and more." She reached down, then touched the grave earth with one hand, reassured by the touch of something solid, something real. "Yet we remain. As was promised to our people so long ago, so long as we are cunning and full of tricks, our people will always remain-and remember." She had more, but she found herself unable to continue without sobbing and elected silence instead. With an involuntary, graceless jerk she rose and wiped her tear damp face. It left a streak of mud beneath her eye, which she ignored. Her head hung as she turned from the graves, and in perfect silence and reverence the bastards & consorts followed her, down the hill, past the corral, and to the white walls of the holdfast, a train of memories carried with them all the way from the Age of Chaos.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

A Rectum Full of Justice

Las Vegas DA resigns after crack bust

Before thou remove the mote from thy neighbors eye, attend the beam in thine own, fuckwit.

How many of my people did you put in jail? How many citizens who want nothing more than what you want-to be left in peace and all fucked up on drugs? I bet you start dropping the same excuses they did when the hammer comes down-"I done been molested as a little kid, my daddy runned off, my job is very stressful." Hmm, that all sounds a bit familiar, doesn't it? Yet here you are, Deputy DA Fuckwit, and you better do some impressive soft shoein' if you want to avoid getting locked up with all those folks you hustled through the system.

There is a special place in hell for hypocrites. And a special place in prison for pigs. Thinking on it, I bet the two are more similar than you think.