Sunday, July 15, 2012

If SHTF I'm Coming To Your House

So LizardFarmer has a post about preparedness as done by the typical "zombie level" enthusiast.  The post is here if you are interested, but I wanted to give my take on this statement of "If SHTF, I'm coming to your house!" from people who play the theoretical game but aren't willing to invest the money or time to be a serious prepper.

My typical response?  "Make yourself useful, and get used to your place in the heirarchy."  What some people who might show up do not know is that their place in the heirarchy might be "Zombie Bait" "Pack Mule" or "Cannon Fodder."  I've had decent success as an evangelical prepper, that is, I am good at getting people to make some basic preps, but many, maybe even most, never get past the Bug Out Bag level and so they think will show up at my house with a backpack full of mediocre gear and no appreciable skills.

Some of these people are friends of mine or Amanda's who like to yuk it up about zombies but don't make any serious preps.  And contrary to most prepper wisdom, in my mind that is fine-as long as they don't mind being consigned to the bottom of the deck.  You don't get a copy of the SHTF folder, you don't get a copy of the code sheet, and no one trusts you with a rifle-but if you want to hump 50 pounds of water for us, we'll give you a spot around the campfire and feed you if you don't bitch too much.

If not, well, fuck you very much sir or madam.  SHTF is no place for useless mouths.  Maybe you should have thought of that before there were shamblers pounding at your door, you stupid shit.  And believe me, I'm going to be one of those assholes that says that with glee.

What else gets somebody bum rushed out of the group on Z-Day?  Insubordination will be a big one-everybody will want their jackass opinion heard and the very reason there is a chain of command is so we don't have to listen to your bullshit.  I anticipate about half the slick urban hipsters we know will go their own way at that point.  I plan on making it clear from the beginning so I don't have to feed them.  Theft of tribal materials will probably rate some savage justice ending in expulsion.  And one more thing-if you can't fucking keep up, that is too goddamn bad for you.  I'll stick my neck out for a tribe member whose committment to the group has been proven, but I have no spare skin for dabblers.  Also, on a vehicle bugout, if cargo space is limited, then, well, goodbye poseurs.  I'll take a crate of MRE's before I'll take some people.

Will I make an exception for a hot sex slave?  I tell myself no, but Amanda will probably talk me into it.  I think she already has candidates picked out, but she won't tell me who they are.

Anyway, that was my take on the subject at hand.


  1. SHFT? maybe you become a trained pet human for me

    or stewpot meat


  2. They can come to my house. It will be vacant, and empty of anything with SHTF value. If they show up at the farmstead, they'll be handed garden tools and put to work. If they don't want to work, they can start walking...

  3. You undoubtedly won't have room for feeble philosophers like me, but this is shit I can deal with. Well done; there's nothing quite like clarity.

    You might be coming to my place anyway, if I still got it. I notice that genuine preppers seem to gain more friends every day. I wonder why that is.

  4. I'll need someone to dig. I have shovels, but you may as well bring your own.

    And I only have enough food for me, my 3 year old son.

    I'll make an exception for a naughty 20 something coed, maybe even up to 32...but that's not the point.

  5. Zombie bait...I always joked with a guy who said if anything bad ever happened he was coming to my place that it was fine, I'd likely need a pack mule.

    I'll have to remember the "Zombie Bait" for next time. At least he has a Block now. He's even shot it once, too!


  7. That was a hoot, Reg---"How to think like a modern American."

    It's the mantra of our day: "Why work?"

  8. Just remember, if the family needs to bunk at dad's cabin (or any other northern billet I can arrange), y'all are welcome.

    But certain motherfuckers show up, they're gonna be put to work digging the basement and sinking new wells. And if they're quick about it, they can have some rice.