You know what fucking annoys me when I go to the strip club? Nipple Tassels. Drapery hanging off a tit. You know what I don't go to the strip club to look at? Fucking curtains.
If all you are doing is standing around waiting to be saved, maybe you don't deserve salvation. Get up and put your shoulder to the wheel.
Snitches get stitches and sleep in ditches. Actually, it seems like the stitches are superfluous I would hate to waste medical care on a dead guy.
If I had a hold on time, I'd break the bricks and make you mine. If I had a hold on fate, I'd take my licks and make you wait.
Ah, election season. That magical time when America chooses between a dick in the mouth and a dick in the asshole and somehow always ends up with both.
An assault charge not accompanied by battery implies that you attacked someone without doing damage. Remember, you pussies-go for the gusto.
Today, I shall affect the penetrating yet placid gaze of a cuttlefish...then ink some motherfucker in the face and run like hell.
Okay, walking away from the gummies...now! Now! ........now! nom nom nom...Now! Fuck me...nom nom nom...now!
The real question for humanity is are we on a rocket ship blasting off into the cosmos, or a rusty biplane careening off a cliff? I can't wait to find out either way.
Most people are not worth the carbon. I like to think the rest of us make up for it.
You know that feeling where you have a song that you love that you feel like no one else in the whole world loves? Mine is Black Sabbath's "Illusion of Power" off the really bad Sabbath record (No, the OTHER one, not Born Again with Ian Gillian at the head, god have mercy on us all) called Forbidden. What are yours?
Some people might say "Chris, having the hero of your novel face off against a demon tank in his first on-screen battle is going to make everything else anticlimactic." I say "Bitches, I'm just gettin' started."
Got a full pack of toilet paper, quite the pile of medicine, plenty of Tang, rolling papers and a big pile of canned goods and pasta. Survivalism is never having to say "Shit we gotta get to the store."
If you are only thankful one day a year, chances are you have your priorities wrong.
There are some interesting tidbits about being a geek parent. For instance, sometimes your stories start "Well, Gracie was in her Toy Story towel and I was in my Ninja Turtles towel..."
Been a while since I was in a strip club...but the last time I was, there were no tassels. Recently I was informed that clear pasties were the norm, but I've been unable to verify that.
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