Thursday, August 16, 2012
Scumfuck Active Shooter Response Protocol
I thought I had the mass shooting thing out of my system with the last post, but apparently not, because I have solved the problem.
This is going to sound weird coming from me because it is a collectivist solution. I am also going to be considering the strategic problem rather than the tactical scenario. Finally, because I am a nerd and not a high speed attack ninja, I am going to more or less approach this as a gamer.
So what is the Scumfuck Active Shooter Response Protocol?
Step 1: Determine that there is an active spree shooter present in your venue.
Step 2: Everyone get that motherfucker.
Pretty simple, really, and not that different from what other bloggers have mentioned. To really understand the strategic goals of the SASRP, we will go over the steps one by one.
Step 1: Determine that there is an active spree shooter present in your venue. Pretty simple. Odds are that anyone firing at random into, say, a crowded movie theatre or a prayer meeting is not an officer serving a warrant. (And even if he is, fuck him, because that is NOT how a peace officer should operate.)
Step 2: Everyone get that motherfucker. This part is also clinically simple. Once it has been determined that there is a spree shooter present, your decision tree is down to a very simple gamer's choice: "Missle or Melee, motherfucker?"
Often in the gunblogging community, we get caught up on the gun rights portion of the response. In my mind, fuck the gun laws, fuck a civillian disarmament zone, and most of all fuck the snivel defense. Resist-by any means available to you. If you have a gun, use it by all means-but if you don't, get that motherfucker anyway (Note that there is no step 1.5 "Determine if you have a CCW or not." If all you have is a pocket knife or a rock or a full soda bottle or a broken pencil-get that motherfucker.
But that isn't the whole story. Note that it isn't "Get that motherfucker" but "EVERYONE get that motherfucker." This is the model that assures us of success. Doesn't matter how badass and well armed you are, if every single motherfucker in that crowded venue rushes up on you and grapples you, there is no way for the spree shooter to accumulate the mass "turkey shoot" casualties as the panicked birds brainlessly present their backs.
There will be some casualties-maybe a lot-but that item, that "Everyone" ensures the success of this model. And I mean everyone. That means you, bitch. Get the fuck up and get that motherfucker. I don't care that you have kids, I don't care that you have a heart condition, I don't care that you have a chronic phobia of full metal jacketed rounds intersecting your torso. Get that motherfucker. Yes, you. If you are in a fucking wheelchair, I expect you to roll your busted ass down the aisle like a battering ram. Even if he kills you, you can still get one good lick in to open up a chance for someone else.
So why is this a strategic rather than a tactical model? Because in the tactical model, its all about your own personal survival, as in "How Do I Maximize My Chances Of Surviving This Event?"
But the strategic model is "How do I stop this and deter similar events in the future?" Ah, now that is a question of sociology. What motivates these spree shooting fucks? The fame and notoriety of being a mass killer. So being a small time murder who gets beaten down and taken alive without killing more than two or three motherfuckers without going out in a blaze of "glory" is the least desirable overall outcome for these jackoffs. (Not to mention the hideous disfigurements that are going to come when the angry mob finishes ripping off your MOLLE webbing and starts on your ears and lips instead.) What these fucks want is some dark poetry, some nihilistic acknowledgement of their status as glorious martyr-killers-so what we give them is a gouged out eyeball and a life sentence in prison.
Two or three public beatdowns on the national news in place of a spree shooting, preferably without mentioning the name of the shooter, and the next guy might just think "Well, fuck it, I'll just go back to work on monday." Because death is not something that truly deters them-most of them off themselves when they finish their little morality plays. But ridicule, humiliation, disfigurement...and most of all being cheated of their Mass Media Fame...that might put an actual speedbump on these incidents. As I said, this is a collectivist strategic view, rather than an individual mandate. And it only works if it becomes the norm for everyone to fight back. Of course, a strategy that requires placid, docile Americans to get up and cause a ruckus...especially a ruckus where they might get sued, as somehow we fear lawsuits more than bullets...is a pretty fuckin' tough sell. Ugh.
I need to start drinking more.