Sad Gracies

Recent circumstances have caused Amanda to pick up more hours at her job.

I don't like this for a number of reasons, but the worst of them really hit home today-Gracie fuckin' hates it and there is nothing I can do to console her.

Daddy and Gracie day used to be a special day where Daddy cut down his sleep to three hours and we spent the whole day together doing fun stuff. It was fun and different-one day a week. Now that its Daddy and Gracie day four days a week, it has become painful and depressing for both of us. For me, it isn't that bad-the sleep thing sucks, but I can just up my pill intake if I need to. The housework is suffering because while I do housework, I'm not as meticulous or detail oriented as my lovely wife. That doesn't bug me either; as long as I have a clear spot in the floor to pace on I can live with it. But really, the problem is that it is breaking Gracie's heart to be separated from her Mommy so much and that I find I cannot stand.

Today she just clung to me and sobbed for Mommy. Not even a screaming tantrum, but a low quiet sobbing where she asked for Mommy over and over. I couldn't get the kid to eat tacos, and she is the taco eatinest kid I ever saw in my whole goddamn life. Towards the end of the night I got her to lay with me and watch a movie, but she still whimpered every time I moved and jumped up if she heard the door handle jiggle. Once she fell asleep, I carried her up to bed and laid down with her, and she still woke up sobbing every twenty minutes until Mommy got home and I went in to work.

It is a hideous thing to hurt your child for their own good; no matter how much we need the money to pay off our various debts and bankroll our various schemes, I wish we were a single income family again. Christ knows that even with Amanda working we still don't have enough money, and when your little girl is curled up in the fetal position and won't eat because she misses her Mommy, it makes you wonder about the ol' cost\benefit ratio.