Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Poly Pickle

God knows you all know too much about my sex life, but here goes anyway. Mom, again, this is one you might want to skip.

You wanna know something interesting about poly? Maybe something you hadn't considered?

You are still putting your heart out there, man. You're still risking getting it stomped on.

For some people a relationship is like a safe refuge; once they are "out of play" then they can sit contentedly on the side with their self esteem intact. In fact, some of these people cherish this sensation so much that they careen from one relationship to the other, eternally seeking not love but safety.

You don't have this luxury when you are poly, particularly as a Unicorn Hunter. You still have to go out there and face the possibility of rejection. Let me tell you, America-it still hurts. Even when you have the most wonderful, supporting wife in the world, going out there and being told no is still a hit on your self esteem. I've kind of been learning this lately, and it has hit me harder than I expected. Poor Amanda, who takes on duties that no good man's wife would ever have to, has been nothing but comforting to me during this period, and oddly it seems to make it worse. She is a good woman, and doesn't deserve to have to do something like that.

Long, rambling story short, I tossed my heart at the feet of someone I'm incompatible with and it hurts, and I think people forget that about the poly lifestyle, that there is no sense of spectator safety-that you are still taking risks.

I'm not planning on changing my lifestyle, repenting and joining the Westboro Baptist Church anytime soon...I can't change, I'm just wired wrong...but it has given me a lot to think about. And I thought it might be something you should think about too.

1 comment:

  1. Been there, done that.

    What works for me, found after much trial and error, is to NOT LOOK. Talk to folks, flirt a bit, but don't be actively looking. Eventually, the right person will (hopefully) show up.

    Just like in a monogomous relationship