Saw this on Tam's blog.
Live coverage, I'm reading these off one at a time and I just smoked a huge bowl and ate all the pasta salad in the house. Lock and load, mutha fucka.
#1: Simplify the message
INTERPRETATION: "Dumb it down for all them sheep fuckers in the boonies that can't understand Hope and Change. They are the one that are frightened."
#2: Channel Ronald Regan?
CONCLUSION: From the rest of the paragraph it seems like they think Regan dumbed it down for the ignorant masses too-and I find that unlikely, he probably just delivered it exactly as it was dumbed down to him by some CIA intelligence clerk or coke-addled junior staffer.
#3: Propagandize the truth.
QUERY: What the fuck is that supposed to mean? The paragraph is about how bucking your party and being seen as more independent will win moderates. Trust me, folks, Don't Ask, Don't Tell is still policy and he laughed off legalization of marijuana-fucking laughed it off-this guy isn't afraid to tell his own base to fuck off. That doesn't make him a fucking Jesse-James-Nonconformist-Rebel-Hero. It makes him a douche.
#4: Go on the Offensive
STATEMENT: The paragraph apparently says to get to work campaigning-or maybe ignore the press, I'm not sure which. I'm pretty sure there are some made up words in there.* What I think is that he should stop goddamn campaigning since he isn't up for reelection and fucking get to work. You'd think a guy who wanted that job so goddamn bad would be doing it rather than nattering with every pundit media vermin.
#5: Put up a Fight
TRANSLATION: The same fucking thing we said above.
#6: Be Positive
COMMENTARY: "The ship is sinking captain, we've hit an iceberg." "Well, at least I won't have to pay the dock fees." A guy who promised the moon and stars had fucking well better be an optimist, because his success requires the delivery of celestial bodies.
#7: Look to the Future, not the Past
PONTIFICATION: Its funny to me. Bush said "9/11" whenever he wanted stupid fucks to stop thinking about stuff that got in the way of his agenda, and Obama says "Bush" when he wants the same thing. All I can think is "Surely you don't want Farmer Jones to come back?" from Animal Farm. This is a scapegoat, and they are gang fucking it one after another. They are, in fact, goat fuckers.
#8: Pay Attention to Independents
PROGNOSIS: Bad. The guy isn't afraid to piss off his own base; he definitely isn't going to worry about yours. Fuck knows that if he passes Illegal Immigration amnesty he has practically insured himself endless votes for life.
#9: Prepare yourself for Election Day
EXCLAMATION: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK STOP CAMPAIGNING YOU FUCKER RUN THE GODDAMN COUNTRY YOU WON THE POPULARITY CONTEST YOU ALWAYS WILL BECAUSE W WAS SUCH A FUCKING UNLIKEABLE DOUCHE SO FOR FUCKS SAKE DO THE JOB YOU FOUGHT SO HARD TO GET FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK AND WHY ARE THEY TELLING HIM HE NEEDS TO DO THIS THAT IS ALL HE FUCKING EVER DOES
#10: ...but don't stop in November
*EYETWITCH* S..someone make it st..stop? I think this is what an aneurisym..anuerism..anerizzle...fucking spellcheck go to hell...I...what was I talking about? I feel a gap in my thinky place frum read internet book. i sleep now k? lulz
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