Mall Ninja Confessions

In terms of mall ninja-ry, I have been the worst of offenders. I've touched on my post apocalyptic warlord fantasies before, in that one post where I revealed my stunted cartoon morality. So yeah, that guy you all make fun of with the sexy dream of society scraped together from a pile of busted-ass rubble, just know, that was me. I don't mind being made fun of, though I suspect some folks doth protest too much because it is a little too close to home. But I'm willing to come out and admit it now, I was the choad with the life map like a bad self insertion fanfic, and in those strange days with their strange drugs and their strange sociopath games, I craved the motherfucking apocalypse.

All it was going to take was the apocalypse, and I could thrive-because in my situation (smart but lazy and deeply perverted, with a persecution complex and a mighty fine speed habit) I could never see myself thriving in mainstream society. I mean, when freed from the rule of law, I was the guy who giggled with his buddies about taking over a swatch of territory and ruling it with an iron fist, with sex slaves and big ass bongs smoking like open volcanoes.

I've grown up tremendously since then, though I can't say things about the dream do not persist. I've learned that to even be close to be ready to function in the Mad Max universe, you have to be able to function in this one. I can even kind of mask my deviant tendencies when necessary, though I always think people can sense it in me. (Granted that might be the self important paranoia talking) I've decided that even if I win these post apocalypse skirmishes, I will still end up burying some of my friends.

Now that I am old and mortal I can taste the fear that my anticipation masked before. I look at the world around me, at this massive fucking civil war that might be looming-and close, close as fuck, with the opening shots hanging in the air like bloody constellations-and I make a very sincere prayer on this day.

Lord, give us time. Ten years would be fucking awesome. Five years would be good.

Yes the I-and-I pride has been revealed for what it is, the foolish delusions of an I that was so wounded in I-and-I spirit that all that destruction sounded good in the I head...and I-and-I pray, Jah protect all the I's close to this heart, from the terrible storm that is coming.

And time. The I-and-I need more time.