Monday, February 15, 2010

Random Thoughts from Disneyworld

You can really tell the native Floridians from the tourists. When the mercury hits 39 the natives are panicking like its Fimbulwinter, while the non natives are thinking "Hm, glad I packed a light jacket."

Jeeeeeezus, even the grass is scrubbed clean. I'm afraid I might get fined for farting.

No matter what they say, the "cast members" are employees. Very, very bright eyed and bushy tailed, pathologically helpful employees, but employees nonetheless. No one there is sweeping up streets or scrubbing toilets for love of the craft, thats for damn sure.

It must take a fantastic amount of work to keep this place going. I wonder what the price for cocaine is around here.

The smoker's gulags are all shoved off into the corners of the park. But at least they gave us benches; christ knows its the only time you get to sit down. Still, I wish all these motherfuckers would stop bringing their kids over here while they smoke. Its fucking Disneyland, you'd think they'd be able to amuse themselves somewhere. Then again, my presence here obviously means they didn't screen for perverts at the gate.

This street parade is fairly impressive; it's like a squeaky clean version of Rocky Horror. If one of those guys on stilts comes over here and tries to get me to dance, though, I'm going to kick one of the stilts and watch him topple over. Oh, shit, that one's a chick; now I feel bad. Well, not really. But it will look worse in court.

I bet they keep Walt Disney's frozen corpse here somewhere. That'll be just great, frozen animator zombie rising from under the castle to menace the living, and me sitting here completely unarmed. Fuckin' great.

Overall, I am very unimpressed with the burger of the future. Also, the lounge music is fucking stupid.

You know, I understand they need to make money with this park and everything, but I can't exit a single ride without passing through a gift shop.


  1. From your comments, it don't seem like you are a very happy person. Just a thought.

  2. I'm not unhappy, just cheerfully perverse.

  3. Anonymous needs to loosen up....hey, where's your bowl? I'd say take a chill pill, but I'm not into drugs and I excuse the marijuana as a medicinal herb.... ;)


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