Monday, January 30, 2012

My 5 Gun Fantasy

Granted, filling this list has about the same odds as my 5 Celebrities I'd Like to Have As Sex Slaves list, but what the hell. I'd give you both lists, but I don't want these celebrities stepping up their security at inopportune times. The gun list, though, is easy.

1. A Transferable AKM - I am willing to concede that a lot of the point of the AK is lost when you make it semi auto. Apparently there are 3 or 4 registered, transferable AK's in the country, all of which would probably cost more than my future house. Fuck paying for it, but I'd love to have one. I think this is the only practical item on the list as I would make this my bugout carbine. A to the motha fuckin' K homeboy.

2 A. Freedom Arms Model 83 Premier Grade in .454 Casul - I have always wanted a very big bore, sexified single action revolver as a sort of dress up gun. I can picture this gun in my head, all engraved with elaborate curliques like a +5 magic item, with Mammoth ivory grips, an Enfield style peep sight, and a stylized skull-and-bong logo on the cylinder. Mmmm...I'll be in my bunk.

3. An original Winchester 1897 Model Shotgun - The very gun that made the Kaiser cry like a sausage eating bitch. There are a lot of weapons I like for their history, and though in general I'm not a shotgun guy, I love the idea of owning this gun specifically because it made America's enemies howl in frustration, and because it is sort of like John Moses Browning's lost bastard child.

4. An Anzio Ironworks Mag Fed 20mm Rifle - I just want a stupidly large bore gun for no other reason than because I can have it. Granted, in the full on Mad Max scenario it might have some use in stopping hard targets...but that isn't why I want it because I have no intention of humping that big bastard on a bugout. I just want a stupidly large rifle that shoots stupidly large rounds. I could call it the Dominatrix because no matter how much it punishes me, I would keep going back to it. (I'm kind of a recoil junkie and I hear 20mm is like spiking right into your neck compared to other calibers.)

5. A Russian PKM - Either full auto or semi auto with a crank fire type adapter, for mounting to the sidecar of my (future) Ural. I also have a perverse urge to throw pink Hello Kitty Furniture on it. I just want to do drivebys with Gracie in the side car plugging away at Zombie targets as we rush by. I could really be happy with any beltfed in this position, but the PKM is ideal. Still, I wouldn't say no to an MG34 or even something older and water cooled like a Vickers. The equation is simple-beltfed mounted on sidecar = Happiness.

1 comment:

  1. If you've ever watched "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", you'd likely want a Bren Gun.

    I do. Not just because of the looks I got when I stumbled into a viewing that somebody had on and I ID'd the thing by sight and they asked if I'd seen the film...

    The Lahti would be a smarter item than the Anzio Iron as a 20mm, but we're talking fantasy, and that has an unlimited budget.

    I've actually seen a transferrable AK, but it was a Chinese model brought back from 'Nam. It was "sold" but in the 6 month Batman limbo so the dealer wouldn't let me touch it. We call his shop the Museum, as he's got...well, between 50 and 100 items requiring Stamps.

    Including my HK23. All I got to do is win the lotto for that.

    I would like a 712 Mauser, well, at least to fire.

    I like your alternate list idea, the 5 celebrities you'd want as sex slaves. That's just creative thinking right there...