Thursday, December 30, 2010

Sha-Shaow Bujenkembo - International Politics through Nut Tickling

So the gang and I have a game that, honestly, would be gayer if it was full on butt fucking, but that we play anyway because at our core we are still a bunch of fucked up twelve year olds. It is called Sha Shaow (Like KUTULU it has multiple spellings, none of which are exactly right) and it involves very rapidly and very lightly touching one of four legitimate targets (all erogenous) on the opponent's body, while yelling "Sha shaow" to count coup against your opponent.

There are multiple variations on the sha shaow, from the triple shaow (sha-sha-shaow) to the brown shaow to the falling dominoes (gangbang) style shaow. Believe me, it is just as retarded as you think it is, and you haven't even seen the underwater variations.

There aren't a lot of rules, but one of the main ones is you cannot sha shaow someone who has a drink, a bong, broken up weed, a cigarette or food in their hand. This was decided after a mighty war in 2005, and when the dust, blood, nacho cheese and bongwater had settled our apartment resembled a war zone and we had lost two stalwart members who were very dear to us (Captain Crunch and Old Granddad) in tragic leaping-over-the-balcony related accidents.

Another of our rules, and this is less a rule than a convention, is that after things invariably get out of hand, a brushfire war devolving into world war three, a truce can be called and mutually agreed on. Believe me, it gets gay if you don't. And if you do. But you knew that, it is a nut tickling game.

In any case, that rule is followed pretty faithfully, except for when they are violated. And it is the violations of this rule that I want to discuss here. At one point after yet another great sha shaow war, a truce was called and agreed upon at the United Choad Nations, and a ceasfire went up around the campfire while everyone continued engaging in pointless drug and alcohol abuse. When all of a sudden, the Bastard Alaskan leaps to his feet-barely a participant in the original war, and with a sobriety that alarmed and disturbed everyone, and gets another individual with a joint in his hand with a sha shaow that shook the heavens.

Upon settling back on his stump, and facing the glares of his fellow delegates and the possibility of a gang bang shaow, the Bastard Alaskan shrugged and said "Someone has to be China."

And of course someone does.

There are other subtleties to the game-for instance, attacking someone while you yourself are holding a prohibited material (thus making yourself immune to retaliation) is called being Lebanon, and attacking someone with excessive force and punching them in the dick instead of shashaowing them is called being Russia, and sitting in the corner cowering with your hands over your genitals is called being France.

There isn't a greater point to this, except that maybe in the end, the Game of Thrones or the League of Nations can all be rendered like pork fat down into nut tickling and cock punching.

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